Filed under: Law, Competitive strategy, Apple Inc (AAPL), Marketing and advertising

I just finished reading a lively little blog piece furnished by The New York Times, City Room. It would seem that the cute Green NYC logo has come under scrutiny of the corporate lawyers at Apple Inc. (NASDAQ: AAPL). Let me just start this by saying it’s my opinion that on it’s face, this complaint by Apple is stupid. If this sort of thing is what it takes to keep Apple’s corporate lawyers busy, the company has far too many law-schooled chair-warmers on payroll.

I won’t even dissect the logo issue here for you; I’d pale in comparison to the New York Times piece. What I’d like to do is offer my services to the Apple Inc. legal department as “Solicitor for Stupid Litigation Options.” I have prepared a portfolio of possible litigation opportunities. I offer it in lieu of a resume.

First, Apple should file suit against the writers of the Bible. How dare those scribes make the apple to appear such a nefarious fruit. Wasn’t Eve told that someday the apple would be a symbol of universal knowledge? Umm wait, I think God did tell her that. So that means we could argue that she acted with malice of intent when she asked Adam to take a bite from the future corporate logo. However, she might then file a counterclaim against Apple, citing her first precedent use of the bitten fruit symbol. We’ll have to find mitigating circumstances.

Next we could possibly file suit against Benjamin Franklin. Wasn’t it he that coined the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”? I’m certain that whoever it was meant to injure the sales of Apple laptop computers. We could take a survey among doctors and warp it to support our claim that the old apple adage colored their buying decisions.

And what about that apple for the teacher? I assure you that the concept was meant to help in the marketing of desk top PCs. Was it hijacked by some early 1900s health nut? If we could figure out someone to sue for putting an apple on a teacher’s desk, we could certainly convince a jury to award damages on that one.

We’ll file suit on Granny Smith for attaching her name to apples at all. We’ll destroy the reputation of Wilhelm Tell for shooting an apple off of his son’s head with a crossbow. Johnny Appleseed will rue the day he ever set a bare foot on tilled soil with the intent to start an orchard. Every man who has an Adam’s apple visible from three paces will be court ordered to wear a scarf. Sir Isaac Newton will wish he had seen a pear fall instead of an apple. I’ll no longer have an apple of my eye.

I can see it now, my legal career is launched. I’ll be the one bad apple in the bunch. I suppose though, if you’ve read this far, by now you know that my lawsuit ideas are in keeping with Apple Inc.’s current complaint. To put it plainly, it’s my personal opinion that Apple Inc.’s current apple-related protest is nothing less than … horse apples.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, April 10th, 2008 at 6:07 am and is filed under Marketing and Advertising. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.